From The Desk Of Bill Varga

Is your garden a test garden? Quite frankly, if you have an inclination for horticulture, you own one! Sometime ago, like maybe two decades now, a state Master Gardener group came to our home to have a look see at the Varga landscape (no Temple Square by any means, I might add). Remarks included, ‘Is that plant sick?’; ‘Why is there an uneven spot in your lawn?’ To make a long story short, the sick plant, a Doublefile Viburnum, did not prefer our high ph clay loam soil, it was transplanted to Kaysville and is now an attractive feature plant in Jerry Goodspeed’s yard which solved question #1. Question #2 associated with locational soil settling after a tree died, and yes, even Bill Varga is not immune to the inevitable! I came across a 1984 planting plan I created, and 64 different shrubs, trees and perennial flowers were added. Seven are still here in 2021. Now, if you are a compulsive plant purchaser, you do indeed have a test garden, but you do have a choice! This spring visit a test garden in your region, ask some questions about successes and failures. Read articles written locally or like me request, following botany stuff on Instagram, where you can read about someone else and their plant journey. Botany stuff recently posted the merits of a Soapwort, Saponaria x lempergii ‘Max Frei’. He lauded its outstanding summer blooming and longevity for our intermountain region. Whether the test garden be at the Perennial Favorites Nursery here in Layton or more local, i.e., the campus of Wasatch Academy in Mount Pleasant. Give yourself a break and let someone else do the major testing. You do the enjoying.

Jokes

Two hillbillies are having lunch when a woman seated nearby begins to choke.  Hillbilly asks her, “kin ya swallar?”  The woman shakes her head no. Hillbilly asks her “kin ya breathe?” Woman shakes her head no.  Hillbilly walks over, lifts up her dress, yanks down her britches and licks her butt cheek.  The woman has a violent spasm and spits out food.  The hilllbilly’s buddy says “ya know, I heerd of that there hind lick maneuver but I ain’t niver seed nobody do it.”

A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.  “Have you ever done anything of particular merit?” St. Peter asked.  “Well, I can think of one thing,” the cowboy offered.

“On a trip to Tennant Creek up in the Northern Territory, I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman.  I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn’t listen.  So, I approached the largest ad most tattooed biker an smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring and threw it on the ground. I yelled, ‘Now, back off or I’ll kick the crap out of all of you!’”

St. Peter was impressed, “When did this happen?”  “Couple of minutes ago.”

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